heart

"i'm an island," he said on various occasions.

i know islands. my father was an island - remote. my stepfather - the same. my mother's depression (herself an isle) created the island of me. and my brother ran away only to become an atoll in the end. i exist in an archipalego - one without causeways, bridges or even ferrys to connection.

it started with pithy emails and ended with 2 hour phone calls till the wee hours a month ago today. we didn't stop talking until the delirium of "tomatoes scream if you poke them with wednesdays."

the beginnings of a relationship that existed in the touchstone - words, coincidence, laughter, similarity, silence, understanding, shared experience. i had only been in his physical presence thrice. had i seen him more than that this blog wouldn't exist - i couldn't have said goodbye.

i should feel proud that i heard the heartache to come and protected myself. but i only feel disappointed. what do i get if i avoid the rollercoaster with it's thrill, the butterflies, it's dizzying up? beatitude?

yeah, maybe. maybe serentity.