'til tuesday

just when i think i've reached the zenith of grief, i'm pulled in the gyre of emotions stemming from some innocous occurence. in this case, my former's birthday.

fortunately, it's just a fortnight to before it's over. still, the days can't pass fast enough - i'm unable to parry the sorrow that assaults me so i'm crying most nights. oh sure, i'll still hurt after that but at the very least my every thought won't be consumed with what went wrong, not being good enough (though i've already admitted to being non-interesting), what i should have done, etc. typical woe-is-me shit.

what's a girl to do? admittedly, i could be drowning my sorrows in Maker's Mark, but in an effort to recover in a healthy fashion, I signed up for a running group to prepare for the LA marathon. actually, i had a bet with my former so it wasn't exactly an original idea. and i've run it - ten or eleven years ago.

i changed my phone numbers too. ostensibly to prevent further contact but it served a better unforseen function. i don't have to wonder if he's called me (because i'd want to know that he was pining after me too). this way i'm blissfully ignorant and i haven't checked my messages a thousand times like a truly pathetic victim of heartache.

all in all i'd say i'm coping pretty well (she writes sardonically).